You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
