And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize