The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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