Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no you cant smoke seaweed
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
