Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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