did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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