I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
