there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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