I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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