how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
