I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
