I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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