he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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