69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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