fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
