I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
