I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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