you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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