its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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