Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
