says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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