neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
why do cheetos always look like penises
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
