I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
