Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
