I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
