She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
