I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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