some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
