Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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