I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
How's work?
Spinning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
