I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
