i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
