I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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