i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize