What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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