if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
