so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
