What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
