I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
