You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
