Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
