Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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