I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
how drunk are you?
Several
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
