I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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