I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
