just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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