he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
