wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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