there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
