Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
