One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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