you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize