Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
