sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
