Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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