tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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