stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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