I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
