So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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