you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
