yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
