Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
