she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
