Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
