Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
