its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
