I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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