dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
