My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
