if you like me you must not know who I am
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
