i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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