I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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